If you’ve ever looked at a rocky trail thought “This could be Mordor”, you’re not alone. When the trail disappears into the mist and the trees seem to close in around you, you’re probably either thinking “wow this is magical” or “I’ve wandered into a cursed forest”. Either way, the vibes are excellent. Many modern hiking guides fail to capture the whimsy and enchantment of the world around you, the way that the great fantasy writers used to. If Tolkien wrote a hiking guide, you bet it wouldn’t be all “elevation this” and “calorie consumption that”. No, Lord of the Rings, if read as a hiking guide, focuses on the real lessons of adventure: loyalty, snacks, stubborn determination, and staying away from things that might eat you.
So, as a playful nod to our Fantasy T-shirts and Hoodies range, here are a few timeless lessons that Tolkien would have wanted you to know, straight from the unofficial hiking handbook of legend.
APS: Always Pack Snacks.
Every good adventure starts, continues, and ends with food. Even the orcs had maggoty bread. But remember, while ancient elves could sustain themselves on an entire journey with a single bite of lembas bread, you, my modern little hiker, will become weak and unreasonable after 45 minutes without a snack. Pack accordingly.
You never heard Sam or any other plump little hobbit utter a word about calories; there’s no such thing on an adventure. Let’s be honest, the biggest reason we go on our little walks is so we can sit on a rock somewhere with a pretty view and gobble our snacks like the weird woodland creatures we are.
(check out our “fuelled by lembas and regret” t-shirt)
Choose your Fellowship Wisely
Take any fantasy novel as a hiking guide and it’ll tell you one important thing: No hero survives alone.
Your hiking crew—your fellowship—should ideally include:
- The one who knows where the trail is
- One person who brings extra snacks
- That one who takes photos of moss
- And one chaotic individual who says “this shortcut looks fine” before disappearing for the remainder of the trip
Balance is important.
Remember the Ents are Watching
That means, respect the forests. They are magical places. And while the odds of encountering a 14ft talking tree-person are low, the forest does have a memory. This means no wayward fires, no damaging trees and absolutely no litter. Show the space around you some respect for goodness sake.
Take a Map: Or Face a Side Quest
Yes in a fantasy book a side quest will lead to gold or an evil all-powerful ring, but in real life you just get lost, drag everyone round in circles until they’re fed up – because your 2 hour hike has taken 5, or wind up in a boggy graveyard. No, you might not want to stop and ask for directions, but even Sam eventually adopted a guide.
You also have options for your adventure:
- GPS maps.
- Someone who knows where they’re going
- A good ol’ fashioned paper map for when the above ultimately fail you.
Hiking guide bonus tip: Check out our Lonely Mountain Adventurers’ Club T-shirt
Embrace Chaos
Your adventure isn’t going to go smoothly, they never do. You’ll get muddy, lost, find unexpected sources of joy, lose a shoe, who knows. But remember, chaos is the spirit of adventure. Things will go wrong, but they’ll also go more right than you could ever imagine.
Adventure isn’t about perfect conditions, it’s about showing up anyway!
Adventure awaits
A dragon isn’t a necessary component of an adventure (in fact, there isn’t one in the whole of the Lord of the Rings trilogy). All you really need is a pretty trail a good hoodie and the right amount of chaotic curiosity.